Shakespeare's Delight: MacBeth Version

*to the tune of Rapper’s Delight by Sugarhill Gang*

MacBeth:

What I tell is a tragic tale

not a fable for the weak

so sit right back and listen well

feel free to tap your feet.

They call me Big Mac

when enemies attack

I beat ‘em back into defeat.

My fate foretold by three witches of old

who said the king, I would unseat

But first you gotta--

Lady McB interrupts and joins in:

Chop! Chop!

the ruler and the royal

can’t be loyal if you want

to be the king

Let’s chop! Chop! You don’t stop

cut ‘em up and then you gotta

take his bling!

MacBeth:

Now I see, my Lady McB,

you got the feeling, you got the beat

but when the blood hits the ceiling

though the crown we be stealing

we feel the guilt, can’t take the heat.

When murder is your motto,

you begin to feel a lot o’

G-U-I-L-T

‘cause a former friend to heaven we did send,

King Duncan on a blood-stained sheet.

Lady MacBeth:

Dark doubtin’ which is mountin’

a problem which you’re countin’

ain’t a problem, not for me.

Bloody hands ain’t a problem.

Bloody sheets ain’t a problem.

When you do your own laundry.

Ya’ gotta rub. Rub. Rub-a-dub-dub.

Wash, rinse, and repeat.

I got bleach in a bottle

and this spot TIDE’ll throttle.

Clean my hands and clean this sheet.

MacBeth:

My enemies are callin’

N’ weapons they be drawin’

They’re full of jealousy.

Gotta get ‘em all, gotta kill ‘em all

if I wanna stay the king.

My buddy Banquo

ain’t my buddy no mo’.

He’s a ghost now, haunting me.

Though the blood do’st flow, on the show must go

if I wanna stay the king.

I gotta chop! Chop!

I’m a ruler and a royal,

can’t be loyal if I wanna

stay the king.

Gotta chop! Chop! I can’t stop!

Cut ‘em up so no one else

can challenge me.

Now there’s a Scottish dude

with a bad attitude.

They say I better beware MacDuff,

but he’s scared o’ me and fled the country.

I say that ol’ MacDuff ain’t tough.

Lady MacBeth: (still doing laundry)

Out! Out! You darn spot!

Too much guilt, it’s killin’ me.

Now I’m dissin’ my ambition

and allowin’ this admission:

maybe we shouldn’t have killed the king.

See, my conscience ‘n mind ain’t being kind,

they just won’t let me be.

But I’ll no longer cower

I’ll jump off a tower

and finally get some sleep.

MacBeth:

Dead Duncan’s sons are sons o’ guns

intent on killin’ me

and whatta ya know, that MacDuff fellow

wants revenge for his family.

MacDuff:

I gotta chop! Chop!

He’s a ruler and a royal,

can’t be loyal if I wanna

slay the king!

Gotta chop! Chop! I can’t stop!

Cut ‘em up and avenge my fam-i-ly!

MacBeth:

MacDuff kills me dead

n’ takes my head

You know, it’s a tragedy.

This game of thrones will make you bones,

a moral lesson, learned by me.